Saturday, 23 April 2022


After so many years of neglect and indifference, of being treated shabbily, I realize how all the pain throughout the years has hardened me inside - Now I am going to change this. I no longer will make a pretense of being loved, no more pretending that my family loves me, no more "rose colored glasses" for me . . . I do not believe.

I do demand respect for the many years of love and respect that I showered on you, even if you have no memory, it does not mean it did not happen, it means this is my truth, and I tell the truth. I want to live my life on my terms, that in part means, I want peace, tranquility, health, and happiness, and most of all from you, it is the respect I wish for.

A reminder to you that, if not for me, you, your offspring and more would not exist. Now that should give you a wake up call, a little food for thought - I am important!

If you hear anyone say adverse words about me, it is your duty to stop them in their tracks - you should never allow that to happen. If your children say rude things to me, you must chastise them. I am after all your Mother.


Wednesday, 6 April 2022



I’m not sure where an apology comes from And beyond that I am certain I have no comprehension for ‘sorry’ I mean that literally I can’t borrow enough question marks Truly. . . I dropped the ball between you & me. . . I did When I tried to go back on something I said That may have disturbed you Most certainly I lazy’d myself to your long ago mouth

Saturday, 2 April 2022


Turned 80, does that mean I prepare to go to "death row?" Sure hope not, I want another 10 years and maybe another 10 after that. Even want to see 105 years old! But on my terms.

Not in some doctor's office with him telling me I need tests for every imaginary illness there is. Not for me the endless suffering of nurses waking me to ask if I want a sleeping pill.

The lab ladies who need their jobs and return twice a day with an excuse that they need more blood. The tech who never says good morning. Me lying in bed confused because I am so full of drugs. Asking a nurse "when will my doctor arrive". "When can I go home?"

He arrives with a full house of helpers - students that is. I hear mumble jumble of words, not directed at me, directed at the nurses who seem to be in complete confusion.

Poof - he's gone! without one word for me, who has been waiting for hours to ask him results of all the tests I took.

I run down the hall half naked in my paper hospital gown, I grab his arm to get his attention, he smiles and tells me all is well, I have "dry eyes".

All those machines,all the long hours sitting in hallways waiting to find out what my health situation is. I will not sit in another doctors hallway or office.

No no people that is not how I wish to spend my last 20 years of life. I want to live, have fun, do all the stuff they say I should never do. I wanna use this body until it has spent all the life in it. I wanna laugh in their faces at 105 years old. Anyone blame me?

December 09. 2021